If Only For A Night
by LeoLovesAries
Summary: An AU Adama/ Roslin set some vague place between The Captains Hand and the actual election. Spoilers. All takes place before Lay Down Your Burdens I. Laura deals with some upsetting news, Cottle offers to help. She just wants a night with Bill before she takes Cottle's advice. Reflects on Laura's role in Hera's adoption, and more. Mature content. Warning: Babyfic kind of not really
1. Snap Back

If Only For A Night

This fic is an AU set some vague place between Baltar's announcement as a presidential a candidate (The Captains Hand) and the actual election. I would assume that there were actually weeks if not months of campaign so this is all before Lay Down Your Burdens I. Though it is an AU fic I think that's a helpful timeline covering some missing space and the events of Downloaded. It will probably be three-four chapters. It is Adama/Roslin assuming an already established, though secret, romantic and physical relationship. It won't be very fluffy to spite the theme. Im not sure where it's headed as its only half finished with two possible endings in mind. It contains mature subject matter and is intended for adult readers. The contents of the story are not meant to be offensive to anyone's point of view in anyway and don't necessarily reflect my own but I felt I would take the subject at hand in the most realistic direction possible. Though the first half may seem rather depressing I can promise in some weird way it will pick up toward the 3rd chapter. If you're not completely confused and turned off at this point, or if you're just one curious mother frakker, I invite you to now read on. Feedback is appreciate but not necessary to its completion, though Ill post new chapters faster if they are being requested.

Disclaimer: I own none of it. I don't even own the pen I started writing it with which I found at a Starbucks and kept because it wrote so well. Can I get a "Frak yeah!" for that feeling when a pen writes so amazingly well? Nerds you know what I mean.

Chapter 1: Snap Back

Infirmary aboard Battlestar Galactica, 1100 hours

Have you ever had one of those moments where your mind just starts to shut down? Not for any peaceful or zen reason, like in meditation, sleep or deep relaxation, it just starts to shut down because it doesn't want to go on, doesn't want to think the next thought. Your eyes unfocus, they stay open, but you don't see. Your jaw starts to hang slack but you don't notice. A dull humming starts in your ears but you don't really hear it. Your awareness starts to drain out of you like sap from a damaged tree until your only real thought left is 'Can I stay like this? If I can then maybe nothing will come next. Nothing, no more pain, no more expectation, no more questions, no more answers, just blurry, numb, humming…" That's what was happening to Laura at that moment. Her mind was checking out; a desperate unconscious attempt to save her from whatever was ahead.

Of course if you do know this feeling, if you have had one of these moments you know that most times it lasts for only seconds. Though it may feel like time is suspended in this humming numbness, usually only an instant has passed and something jolts you back inside yourself. Something eventually jars you awake again forcing you back to whatever awaits you next. Something intervenes and your mind snaps back like a rubber band between the eyes. Someone waves their hand in front of your face, shouts your name, a car sounds its horn, a dog barks a bell rings or…..

::CLANG CLANG CLANG::

Laura nearly jumped out of her skin.

The metallic sound of Doc Cottle hitting his clip board against a metal surgical cart to get her attention reverberated in her ears and just like that she could see him again. She could feel the cold re-circulated sickbay air against her skin, the hard examining table beneath her and she could hear his grumpy gravelly old voice once more.

"Madam President, are you listening to me?" he asked, frustrated as he waved off a medic who had stuck their head in to see what the loud noise was about.

"Yes…yes, I'm listening." She said still trying to focus and compose herself from the loud banging that had obviously done what Cottle intended.

"I said," He went on, lowering his voice now that he was at least fairly sure she wasn't spacing out any longer, "that I could… take care of this for you, later this week, at some point, when you can clear your schedule for a night." He watched her as she tightened her arms around herself. Her mouth still slightly open but her eyes now focused. "You would only have to stay a few hours, maybe until the morning. I'd alert your aide and arrange a raptor to take you back to Colonial One as soon as I thought you were ready. You would recover there, mostly." He stood there with his brows both arched up, trying to encourage her in his own gruff way, that he was ready with a plan of action. He gestured with his hands, one still holding the metal clipboard, trying to infer that he was waiting for her response.

Laura licked her lips but her mouth was so dry it did little to help her as she started to speak.

"Doctor, what you are suggesting… it isn't legal any longer. A law of my own recent doing, I'm afraid. You know that." She said, looking past him again to some vague spot on the curtain behind as she hugged her arms across her body even tighter. Was she cold? She couldn't tell. She was dressed now, had been for a while. Why did she suddenly feel cold?

"Madam President," Cottle said, putting the clipboard down on the surgical tray with one hand and taking a cigarette out from behind his ear with the other. "Madam President." He said a little more forcefully, waving the cigarette in front of her face and drawing it slowly back toward himself like a pointer, trying to guide her eyes back to his. It worked and she winced as she focused on him again.

"Laura," he continued, in a manner far more gentle than usual. He used her first name too, perhaps in an attempt to be comforting. "We say it's the flu, a 48 hour bug, or food poisoning. Gods know it wouldn't be the only case we get of it in a week with the grub we have around here now-a-days." He tried to joke, gaining little response from her. He went on anyway. "You should understand, you have my complete confidentiality on this matter. There will be no paper work, no permanent notes on your chart. It would just be me and one medic, Ishay probably. Someone trustworthy, I assure you." He said, putting the unlit cigarette between his lips and waiting once more for Laura to speak.

When she realized she couldn't squeeze herself any tighter if she tried she forced her arms to her sides placing her palms against the cool thin sheet that covered the exam table. She shook her head and sighed deeply.

"People would ask questions. It would leak out. Somehow it would leak and then what?" she asked him more rhetorically than not. She brought one hand up to run it nervously through her hair.

"I assure you Madam, it wouldn't." Cottle said standing up straighter. He almost looked slightly offended at her lack of trust in his word, but it faded quickly.

"What kind of president would I be to break one of my own policies? And so soon after enacting it?" She asked, as she felt herself starting to cross her arms again. She forced them back down and nearly tucked them underneath herself to stop them from moving. A memory came to her briefly of a classroom on Caprica and a little boy who couldn't stop fidgeting with his pencils. 'Sit on your hands if you can't help it.' she had told the 2nd grader.

"Young Lady,"

She made her eyes meet Cottles again. He furrowed his brow. "It seems to me that you are coming up with an awful lot of excuses here. This isn't the time for policy and doctrine. This is about your health." He started to shake his head. "You can't tell me that you would seriously consider going through with…."

"No." She interpreted quickly before he could finish. She didn't want to hear it again. "No, but I just…I don't know. This is all just very…" her lips continued to move but her voice trailed off.

Cottle put his cigarette in to his lab coat pocket. Picking up her chart once more, holding it in both hands he moved closer to her. "I know Laura," He said nodding and extended his arm to put an uncharacteristically friendly and gentile hand on her shoulder. "I know this is unexpected, shocking and upsetting to say the least. Please just know that my goal is to ensure your health, and your privacy. Those are my only concerns." He said with a half smile.

Laura nodded and looked down at her lap. "Could I have a few days, Doctor? I just need a little time. It might take me that long to clear my schedule and I just have some things I need to get in order before I…"

"Of course, of course." he said removing his hand from her shoulder and looking down briefly at the chart. "But I must advise you Madam President..." He was back to the formality. "…that this be taken care of as soon as possible. Waiting too long will only make it harder. It complicates things. A longer recovery too. If we do this now it won't take much to get back on your feet." He said tucking the chart under his arm and retrieving his cigarette and lighter from the coat pocket.

"I will be in touch." She said looking up with forced assurance. "Thank you Doctor."

Cottle turned to walk away, finally lighting his cigarette then pulling the curtain back. He turned once more to look at the woman on the table. He had a strange feeling in his gut watching her with her head down, eyes in her lap and practically sitting on her hands. She looked smaller somehow; more feminine perhaps, and she looked devastated. He had never seen her look like that before. Not even as he watched her on what was supposed to be her deathbed. She had always had this bright air about her and a sturdy confidence that seemed unbreakable even in the face of her own demise. As a Doctor he saw people at their worst all of the time, broke countless bad diagnosis. Still he couldn't help but feel sad for this woman. She looked deflated. He mused for a moment that it was like seeing one of those old comic book super heroes without their uniform on- just another soul.

"Laura," He called once more as he stood half way through the curtain.

She looked up at him with something that could have been called a smile, if you had never seen her smile before.

"Really…don't wait too long to get back to me." He advised her. She nodded and waited for him to part through the curtains leaving only a few wisps of smoke behind him.

Laura sat there for a short while after Cottle left. She still couldn't think beyond the moment. Usually she felt as if she couldn't stop all the thoughts and visions she had, projecting and considering their applications before they were even fully formed in her mind three and four steps ahead. But this, this had stopped her in her tracks. At this moment every thought was reactionary; a question, then a plea, then an emotion, but no thought of what next, not yet and not now. Her mind wouldn't let her think of it right then. There was no use sitting there on her hands any longer. She got up grabbing her blazer from where it rested on a stool beside the bed. She inhaled deeply pushing whatever she could down deep and away for the moment and she stepped out to find Tory. She had things to do and she would think about this later. She would make herself think about it later.


	2. A Little Penance

As before, Mature subject matter and themes.  
>Feedback appreciate. No need to leave a long note, but if I know at least one other person is awaiting a chapter Ill be more apt to finish.<p>

Chapter 2: A Little Penance

Karl Agathon and the cylon Sharon now believed their baby to be dead. Laura and Tory had arranged it with Doc Cottle and their conspiracy was so far successful. Tory found a suitable adoptive mother for the infant and the baby was handed over to the woman's custody and away from the Galactica.

This, Laura thought, this would have to be the reason she was being punished. She hadn't understood why this was happening when Cottle first told her, but sometimes, she remembered hearing, the punishment starts before the act of sin is even completed. She of course still thought she was doing what was best for the fleet by removing Hera from the care of her natural mother but that didn't mean she wouldn't answer for the pain caused to Lt. Agathon and his child's mother. Somehow the God's knew that Laura would have to inflict this pain onto this young couple and whether they saw it as justified or not, they were making sure she knew at least in part how it felt, penance for the full weight of her decision.

When she had gone to Cottle to talk about faking Hera's death he had just assumed she had called on him to make arrangements for herself. He was more than surprised to hear why she was really there. Almost two weeks had passed since she had her exam with him in sickbay. He had been leaving messages with Tory every other day insisting that the president contact him and Tory was starting to grow concerned.

"When this is over you need to come in." Cottle snarled after their discussion of Hera ended. His scolding finger smelled vaguely of latex and smoke as he wagged it inches from Laura's face.

"I know, I know Doctor Cottle. It's been a demanding time." She tried to explain. "As soon as this is over I'll be making arrangements." She assured him.

"I told you not to wait. You know the longer this goes on the worse it will be. Now it's not my body and it's not my life, but as you are my patient I must insist." He admonished. She agreed mostly to shut him up and as he left her he grumbled, making some disgruntled comment about how she suddenly trusted his ability to keep medical matters confidential now that he had assisted her in a fleet-wide conspiracy.

She had never truly questioned his ability to keep her condition a secret. He had done so with her cancer for a time. She hardly remembered questioning it a week ago. They were just words that came out that day. Some of the only she could muster when her brain was telling her to turn off.

It wasn't until later that first night that she fully let herself comprehend what was happening. Tory had left her alone hesitantly. It was on Tory's insistence that very morning that Laura see Cottle. She had a dizzy spell after an early quorum meeting and her aide all but dragged her to the infirmary. The president had assured Tory that nothing had transpired during her exam with the doctor, other than routine blood work and precautionary tests to make sure her cancer was still gone. On the president's persistent assurance that she was in fine health, Tory left her alone that night in her quarters on Colonial One and Laura was finally able to let her day sink in and it hit her like a ton of bricks.

Once she was able to compose herself, after allowing an initial period of sobbing, she tried to go over the facts. If she could settle this in her mind she could settle it for real and be done.

She at some point after her miraculous recovery had gotten pregnant. She wasn't exactly sure when. Cottle would be able to tell when she went back. It wasn't like there were many instances to choose from. She and Bill had been together a handful of precious times none of which she thought would ever have the current consequence.

Months before her cancer diagnosis back on Caprica she had noticed that her cycle had started to change. She would miss a month or two and then be regular for just as long. She had figured it was the start of that inevitable phase of life. It was even part of the reason she had gone to see her doctor in the first place. That was all forgotten about when the doctor realized the size of her mass. Later once she heard the biopsy results, well she didn't stick around to talk about much more. Then the world ended, and she was floating around in space, she spotted, or missed, or didn't miss, but mostly she just stopped thinking about it. As she got sicker it stopped all together and she just figured her body was getting weaker and organs were starting to fail all together. When she recovered and her irregular cycle returned she just figured it was her body starting where it left off and that soon she would have a hot flash or two and that would be the end of it. _The end of it_, she thought.  
><em>How cruel that this would happen now,<em> she reflected that first night.

It was not as if she had some sad longing or was full of regret for never having children. She knew the way her life had been, the men she had chosen to be with before, it was never the right situation. Her life was full of children as a teacher. She got to touch the lives of so many and that made her happy enough most days.

She had made her choices and generally made peace with them, still she thought at times, if she could go back and do it over, she would have liked the chance to be a mother. And now, with this man, this true blue, honest, loyal, brave and honorable man; with this man, it had come to her and it was too late and she couldn't take the chance, couldn't be happy about it or even entertain the notion of some silly happy ending.

She wouldn't lie to herself- Cottle was right. Her body was confused between trying to phase out her natural cycle and fighting her illness. It had allowed this to happen, but it shouldn't have. She was too old and had been through too much for the odds to be in her favor. Cottle assumed that she would miscarry sooner or later and he was concerned she would bleed out. The chances that the fetus was healthy were less than stellar. The chance that she could make it safely to term was even less but even more than that it was preposterous to think that she and Bill Adama should attempt to bring a child into this war in space, this war of which they were constantly maintaining the balance. It would be selfish and dangerous to try and why should they even want to? Even without the constant cylon threat and seemingly hopeless journey through the galaxy looking for a home for his people, why would Bill Adama want this at his age? Why would she? She didn't know why, and yet part of her deep down did want it. Though she knew she wouldn't go through with it, the last fact that she thought of that night she found out, before she cried herself to sleep, was that part of her did wanted it, very, very much. And even so she knew she would call Doc Cottle soon.

When Hera was born it gave Laura an excuse to avoid making an appointment with Cottle just a bit longer. Though Laura knew what she had to do for the sake of her people as soon as she heard Hera had arrived, it was also the moment she decided her pregnancy must have been some predetermined atonement for the fate of the Agathon baby. Why else would the Gods give her this now, when her only real choice was to let it go? Perhaps she was being melancholy, or feeling sorry for herself with this notion, or perhaps if she told herself that ending the pregnancy had a purpose even just as penance, she could make peace with it. Either way she had let it go on long enough. In another week it would be over but first, she knew, she would have to tell Bill.


	3. Living Off Of A Dream

- Here is chapter 3. Thanks to those who acknowledged that they read. Your comments are encouraging and appreciated. I know this is sort of the anti-babyfic but its what came out. As stated before the last chapter is not written so your feedback on the direction is welcome and would be considered.

Chapter three: Living Off A Dream

Colonial One: 0200 hrs

Laura was dreaming. She knew it. She had enough experience as of late with dreams and visions to know the difference between the state of a dream and real life. In the dream she was back on Caprica. It was night and she was in a bedroom, not one she had ever seen before, but she was warm and safe and was in the sleeping arms of the man she loved. Though she knew it was a dream, it felt so very real. She thought about the power of the mind's imagination as she realized she could almost smell Bill's aftershave on the blankets tucked around them. Letting her dream's eye wander around the darkened room she saw in the nearest corner a white bassinet tucked in the shadows. She watched the moonlight from the window pour in ever so slightly illuminating it. In an instant she felt nothing but joy. Though she knew she wasn't really there she couldn't help but be happy in the moment; home safe on Caprica, on a soft bed in Bills strong arms and their child sleeping close by them. She let herself take in the sight and feelings of pure love, almost forgetting for a moment that it was only a vivid image in her mind. _How lovely this would have been_, she thought to herself_, in another time, another place_. She felt herself smile and her heart swell. Just as she felt herself becoming lost in the sweet dream she heard a noise from the corner. Her eyes went to the still bassinet. Sounds of a baby's cry came from the little cradle softly at first and then louder and more persistent in her ears. She froze not moving from Bill's embrace and suddenly she was consumed with anxiety.

_I won't go over there_, she thought. _I can't_. She refused to walk over and look inside. That was too much. What had been a pleasant dream, a nice visit into a life that never was, was now turning into a source of sheer panic. She had to wake up. She couldn't listen to the sounds anymore and she surly wasn't venturing near that crib. She tried to ignore the cries from the corner. She tried to will herself awake, to tell herself to get up and open her eyes but the more she struggled the louder the cries became. She felt dream Bill' sit up beside her,  
>"Laura, aren't you going to go pick up the baby?" He said to her.<br>She was all at once annoyed dream Bill had spoken to her, distracting her from trying to wake up, and annoyed at his question. She didn't have to answer him, she thought. None of this was real and soon she would awaken.  
>"Laura," dream Bill said more forcefully leaning over her in the bed. "Laura, go get the baby. What's wrong with you?" She could tell he was getting angry at her. For a moment she considered telling him to frak off and get the baby himself, but she decided that she didn't want that to happen either.<br>"Laura!" he scolded her again. "Get up and get your child."  
>"I absolutely will not!" she surprised herself by yelling back at him all the while her eyes frozen to the source of the noise and wishing like hell she would just wake up.<br>"Why the hell not!?" he yelled again.  
>"I'm not going over there Bill, I won't." she refused. Why couldn't she wake up? Maybe her alarm would go off soon, she prayed that it would.<br>"So you're just going to let our child cry all night?" he said, through gritted teeth, the way real Bill so often did when he was angry.  
>"I'm not going over there, Bill, because that child is not real." She shouted back at him<br>"Are you out of your damn mind?!" dream Bill yelled. His stormy voice was now challenging the cries from the corner and she felt like she was about to lose her mind. Maybe she could pinch herself, she considered.  
>"Fine, Laura, if you won't pick up our child, then I will," He told her swinging himself off the side of the bed and walking toward the sound of the cries.<br>"Bill Adama don't you dare!" she shouted. She tried to get out of the bed to stop him but in true dream fashion all of a sudden she couldn't seem to move to walk. Her arms and legs felt like lead. "Bill, don't! Just stop!" she cried out, but dream Bill wasn't listening. He walked over to the small cradle and leaned in.  
>Laura, tried to close her eyes, but the thing with a dream is, open or closed you can still see. With what seemed like all the strength she had, she pulled the blankets over her head like a scared child hiding from a monster in the closet.<br>"Now, now, "she heard Bill say in a much more soothing tone. "Let's get you over to your mother."  
>Laura now realized the cries had stopped and she felt Bill nearing the side of the bed. "Bill Adama, I won't forgive you for this so you better just back off!" she yelled from beneath the blankets and as she felt him lean over and pull the covers off of her she shot up and screamed, right into Tory Foster's frightened face.<p>

"Good Gods! Madam President, are you alright?!" Tory shouted as she shot back a good foot away from Laura's bed."  
>"Oh my goodness, Tory!" Laura let out, exasperated and out of breath.<p>

"I didn't mean to frighten you." Tory said holding a hand against her heart.

"Well I didn't mean to frighten you either but what the hell are you doing here?" she asked still trying to catch her breath. Tory turned on a dim light and walked back over to Laura's bed.

"I'm sorry. I just came to check on you. The guard outside, he said he heard noises, like you were hurt or something. He was concerned so he called me. I know you haven't been feeling well lately. I just wanted to make sure you were alright." Her aide explained pouring a glass of water and handing it to her boss who took it gratefully.

"When I came in you seemed distressed, so I touched your shoulder to wake you and…"

"Oh. Well, I'm actually glad you did. I was just having a bad dream and believe me I'm happy to be awake." She admitted.

After another glass of water and about a dozen reassurances that she was alright Laura was able to get Tory to believe she would be fine on her own for the rest of the night. She thanked her and told her to head back to her own quarters. Finally alone, sitting up in her bed she remembered her dream from finish to start. She recalled the moment right before Tory woke her. The awful feeling of not being able to wake yourself from a lucid nightmare; it felt like being trapped in a plastic bag. She ran both hands through her tousled hair. She remembered the harsh angry sound of Bills voice, and then the heartbreaking sounds of a crying infant. Most of all she remembered the terror she felt at the prospect of looking into the face of a child who would never be. She shook her head trying to shake away the memory and then she recalled the way the dream started off. The loving feeling, the joy and security she felt. The blue moonlit room and the three content souls tucked inside it. If only it could have stopped there. In that moment within the dream she was so happy. _If only I could really know that feeling, just for one night, _she mused, _I could live off of it for the rest of my life_.

She knew she wouldn't sleep for the rest of the night but in the time she spent awake she decide something. She would make arrangements with Cottle for the end of the week but first she and Bill would have that one night.  
>_<p> 


	4. If Only For A Night: 41 & 42

Authors Note:Hi there readers here is chapter 4. It shares the same title as the story itself. I broke it up into 2 sections. I just wanted to thank everyone who left a little note or review. Its so very encouraging. I wrote the story mostly because I just felt I needed to. I didnt expect many people to read it but its so nice to know that others are doing so. I know the subject matter has been dark. Its just sort of what came out when I thought about the prospect. I know I had asked for some feedback on the direction of the ending and I defiantly took it into consideration. With that being said there WILL BE a final chapter 5; an epilogue of sorts but I have decided due to the sticky subject matter that I am going to write 2 different endings to the story. For those of you who cant stand anything but a hopeful ending Ill invite you to read Ending 2 and for those of you who don't mind the darker theme you can read Ending 1. They will be clearly marked for you when the epilogue is published. I also invite you to read both if you desire and let me know which you think rang more true to the story. I myself had a hard time deciding which is why I'm choosing to share both. Remember choose your own adventure books back in school? Chapter 5; the Epilogues should be up some time during the coming weekend.  
>Please keep the little notes and reviews coming if you will. Its always an encouragement and lets me know you're still there with me.<p>

Chapter 4.1: If Only For A Night

Outside Admiral Bill Adama's Quarters aboard Battlestar Galactica: 2200 hrs.

As Laura stood outside the Admirals Quarters she felt her hands begin to shake. She instructed her security detail to stand post elsewhere nearby for the duration of her stay. They knew she would be staying until morning. Her guards had gotten used to her occasional nights aboard the Galactica and often split up duty between themselves and the Admirals own posted guards. Laura was grateful for their service but tonight she wanted them as far away as safely possible. She wanted this night to be private and though she figured their guards had no interest in what went on behind the door, knowing anyone was standing so nearby tonight would unnerve her.

When she had called him to request the visit she made it very clear that it would be a personal meeting. She asked him to do everything in his power to make sure they would not be interrupted until morning and she promised to do the same.

"Say no more, Madam." Bill said wryly "I'll do what I can, and let's just pray to the Gods for a quiet night on deck." She could tell he was smiling on the other end of the line and her heart skipped a beat knowing how eager he was to spend another treasured night together. They were so few and far between it seemed. Now she stood outside his door too nervous to enter. She prayed he would understand what she was about to tell him, that they would be able to help each other through this and that he would help her to have her one night.  
>Taking the deepest breath she could manage she banged on the barrack door. She held it in until she heard him call.<br>"Enter."  
>She steadied herself and walked inside. She saw him standing there, the top of his uniform already off, a drink in one hand and some papers in another. The sight of him made her breath catch in her throat. She smiled and stood there for a moment taking in the image of him in the dim amber light. Sometimes she was in awe of his commanding presence. <em>Where were you 15 years ago Bill?<em> She thought.

"Well, are you going to say hello, or did you just come here to stare at my pretty face?" He joked placing the papers and glass down on an end table. She laughed and walked to meet him in the middle of the room.  
>"Hello Admiral." She teased. He slowly moved close and embraced her around the waist. She placed her hands on his sturdy chest.<br>"Admiral?" he said in a low smooth tone, "I thought this was supposed to be a personal visit." He leaned in to kiss her.  
>"I'll say it is." She said with a giggle and their lips met for a long and tender kiss. <em>There's that smell of his aftershave,<em> she thought. It was following her. On her clothes after she'd leave him in the morning, sometimes on her blazer if they managed to steal a private moment throughout the day, and now recently she could even smell it in her dreams. With a sudden rush of blood to her face she remembered just why she was there. She parted her lips from his and leaned back smiling at him.

"I see you've started without me." She said looking quickly to the side table that held his glass.  
>"Never." He winked and turned to retrieve it. "Can I get you one?"<br>"No, not just yet." She answered wringing her hands. Why couldn't she stop fidgeting lately? It was like she had forgotten what she used to with her arms. She looked down at her hands. Even after that warm honey kiss they were still shaking. She watched Bill as he walked over to refill his glass.  
>"Something wrong, Laura?"<br>She bit down on her tongue in some attempt to keep her nerve.  
>"We need to talk, Bill." She said with a sigh and a sad smile.<p>

"What? What is it?" he asked quickly and with a sudden perturbed look.  
>"I just want to talk to you…about a few things actually." She said folding her hands in front of her.<br>"Oh." He said curtly looking down at the various bottles and glass tumblers. He gestured for her to take a seat on the sofa and she did. She kicked off her shoes and brought her feet underneath her. He sat down beside her leaving and obvious space.  
>"You look so disconcerted." She smirked<br>"Should I be?" He asked leaning his forearms on his lap and thumbing his drink.  
>She laughed silently and gave a little shrug. Bill took a sip of the amber liquid and waited.<br>"You know Bill, sometimes I wish I'd met you a long time ago." She admitted still with a smile. She twirled the end of a lock of her hair and watched him.

"Why's that?" Bill leaned back and studied his drink. Laura shrugged and reached over to him, fiddling with the sleeve of his undershirt.  
>"I don't know." She paused leaning back. "So I would have known there were men in the world like you. So I wouldn't have made some of the mistakes I did with Adar? So I could meet you sooner and get to love you for longer? Lots of reasons." she said looking at him longingly.<br>"Laura, what's going on?" he said turning to her. She could tell to spite her sentiment that he was growing impatient.  
>She sighed but didn't answer.<p>

"I heard Tory say you haven't been feeling well." He pressed. "Is that true?"  
>She nodded. "Yes that's true."<br>He winced and took a large sip. He let it sting his tongue for longer than usual before he swallowed it down. "I figured that you had just been upset about Billy."  
>"That hasn't helped matters." She agreed.<br>"It's back then?" He asked not wanting to look at her.  
>"No." Laura answered quickly. She leaned over and took his hand in her own. "No it's not. It's not the cancer, thank the Gods."<br>He looked at her both relieved and annoyed at the same time. "Then what the hell is going on?" He demanded waving his glass in emphasis.  
>Laura sat up straight with a rush of adrenaline and squeezed his hand pulling it into her lap. She had to get this out now.<br>"Bill," she started, looking into his eyes. They were striking but filled with questions and now a cloud of frustration. "Bill, I have to tell you something but before you react I want you to hear me out completely. I want to explain to you what's going on and then I'm going to ask you for a favor and I just need you to hear it first. Then you can ask me anything you want, say anything you want but I just need you to hear what I have to say." She blurted. "Can you do that for me, Bill?" she almost pleaded. She gave his hand another firm squeeze holding it tightly in her lap.  
>"For Gods sakes Laura!"<br>"Can you do that for me Bill?" she asked again.  
>He nodded. "Yes, but you need to start talking. I'm sitting in the dark here Laura and I don't like this feeling." he warned.<br>She nodded and then clasped both her hands around the one she held on her lap.  
><em>He loves you, just do it,<em> she told herself.  
>"About two weeks ago I went to see Doc Cottle." She started to explain. She could already tell he was fighting to keep his promise not to interrupt. She gave him a warning look.<br>"I had gotten dizzy at a quorum meeting. I had been feeling sick the past few days which was odd because to be honest, I'd been feeling so well after my recovery."  
>Bill looked like he was about to snap like a dry twig. She knew she had to speed things up.<br>"I went to Cottle after the meeting. Tory took me. He ran a hundred tests and the cancer is still gone. Everything checked out fine except that…" she stopped unable to get the words to flow naturally. She saw him grit his teeth and he started to pull his hand away. She tugged it back harder and gave him another warning glair."Except that, I'm pregnant, Bill." she finished quickly. "I'm pregnant."  
>_<p>

Laura watched Bills face turn to stone and drain of all color, which was fine because she was fairly certain she had just felt her own do the same. She saw him start to shake his head with confusion, as if he wasn't sure he heard her right, or maybe he was having a frakking stroke, she couldn't tell.  
>"Are you…" he started to talk but she quickly brought her hand up to halt him.<br>"Bill, stop. Stop. You promised." She reminded him forcefully. Laura smiled with a roll of her eyes and she laughed at the absurdity of what was happening. "To answer the obvious questions though; yes, you heard me correctly and yes Cottle is 100% sure. You better believe he checked twice over. His face looked something like yours." She joked. Bill moved his lips to speak again but again she stopped him with a hand in front of his lips.

"But, Bill, listen to me when I tell you I'm not under any delusions about this pregnancy. I know that it shouldn't be. I know that I can't have it. Besides the obvious reasons, Cottle made it very clear that health wise it would be very foolish." She went on though Bill looked like he was going insane inside. His mouth was wide open and his forgotten drink was about to pour out on the rug.  
>"He's offered to help me. And he's offered to cover it up. And before you even think about mentioning the legal matters, I've been over that in my head a hundred times. I'm not proud of it, but there really isn't much of an option here."<br>Bill's drink finally hit the floor but neither of them noticed. He rubbed his hand over his face and let out a low groan.  
>"Can I speak?" he asked.<p>

"Just a second." She had to continue. She needed to ask him for this favor. If he obliged her then maybe she could live with what she was about to do. Maybe she wouldn't completely die inside if she had this to savor and cling on to.  
>"I told you I had a favor to ask." She smiled. "This might sound crazy, and I suppose that it is but I want to be totally honest with you…"<br>Bill nodded slowly, afraid of what might come next.  
>"I won't lie to you and say that this isn't killing me. I know what has to be done," her eyes started to water. "but a part of me, I know is going to be lost with this…" her breath hitched. She composed herself partially and started over.<br>"I've been trying like hell these past few weeks to not think about what it would be like…if this happened in another time, and another place, another universe even." She laughed through her tears. "But the mind doesn't always listen and I haven't been able to stop thinking about what it would feel like to actually…." Her lips started to tremble.  
>"Oh, Luara." Bill leaned in to cup her tear stained face.<br>"All I want is one night." She blurted out shakily. "One night together…just to enjoy it. To pretend for a few hours that it's alright, to be happy that it happened with the man that I love. If I could know that feeling, know what it would be like for just a while…then maybe I could live with what's coming. If I could think back to this night and know that at least for a second we acknowledged what came from our love then I'd be able to think back to it for the rest of my days and know for a moment it was real."  
>Her voice had become steadier but so had her tears. He leaned his face close to hers.<br>"Could you do that for me Bill?" she said with a desperate look on her face.  
>He was silent for a moment and it scared her. To say he was stunned would have been the understatement of the century. He was utterly shocked. The facts hadn't even truly sunken in yet, but one thing he knew was that he saw the women he loved was hurting and he would do what he could to help her.<br>"I'd do anything for you." He affirmed and he kissed her tear stained cheek before kissing her trembling lips. When the kiss broke she whispered a soft thank you. Bill nodded and they each leaned back.  
>"Laura, I'm trying to take this all in…" he sighed.<br>"I know." she said nodding.  
>"Can we back up for just a second?" he asked tentatively. Afraid to cause her anymore distress.<br>Laura wiped at her tears and tried to compose herself. "Of course, Of course, Bill. I just needed to get that all out. I had to. I told you before you can ask me anything you want now. Just don't ask me how this happened because you certainly know that answer." She joked to lighten the air.  
>"Okay" he smiled. "Then when?"<br>"I don't know yet. Cottle only did the blood work and a pelvic exam to confirm. Two, three months at the most, a few weeks at the least."  
>He nodded again. "Who knows?"<br>"Just Doc Cottle…and now you." She smiled. "I lied to Tory."  
>Bill looked down at the wet spot on the rug where his discarded glass lay on its side.<br>"And when are you going to…" he kicked at the glass.  
>"I keep putting it off. Things have been hectic. The campaign. I wanted you to know first."<br>"And you're absolutely sure you're going to?" he said looking up at her.  
>She inhaled deeply and rubbed her forehead. "Gods Bill, I don't think I have much of a choice."<br>"You always have a choice. What's Cottle say?"  
>"He says that my body made a mistake…that at the end of my cycle and through my illness it got some mixed signals and let this happen. He said that with my age and everything I've gone through that the chances of it being healthy are severely compromised but even more than that it's dangerous to let it go on. He feels that I could eventually hemorrhage and that I would be risking my life." She explained.<br>"And he's sure of that?" Bill asked.  
>Laura shrugged "He seems fairly certain considering all the factors." She smiled sadly.<p>

"The thing is Bill, in another place in time, I would have risked it. I would have tried. I would have given anything to have the chance…but I can't be so selfish now." She said leaning her head against the back of the seat. Bill cuddled up next to her.  
>" What if you knew it was healthy? Would you risk it then?" he asked as he started to stroke her auburn hair.<br>"Bill, it's not just about a health concern. Even if it was safe and I knew that it would be born healthy, look where we are. We are two middle aged people floating in a giant tuna can that keeps getting attacked by over-evolved electric can openers and we are in charge of the whole thing."  
>He laughed at her description, rubbing his hand over her knee.<br>"It's just no environment for a child. I know that I just finished trying to make it so more babies are born on this fleet. If you think I don't see the sick irony, you're wrong, but I had people like Lee and Kara in mind. I didn't make the frakkin' law thinking of Saul and Ellen and I surly didn't have us in mind either."  
>He smiled and kissed her on her temple. Saul and Ellen; now <em>that<em> was a scary thought.  
>"I just keep thinking what a cruel frakking joke from the Gods this has to be; maybe for enacting that law, maybe for…" she trailed off before she mentioned Hera. Bill didn't know and now was not the time.<br>"Don't think that way Laura. I know it might feel like that but this isn't a punishment. It's just a sad circumstance and horrible decision that you don't deserve to have to make."  
>Laura was quiet for a while. Bill wasn't sure what to say. He understood the concerns. He certainly didn't want to lose her.<br>"Is being here really the only reason you wouldn't chance it? I mean be honest. If we were back on Caprica with no cylon threat, but the same medical circumstance would you really risk your life?"  
>She took a moment to answer.<br>"Yeah …yeah I think I would. I guess I never realized how badly I wanted it…until I couldn't have it." She confessed. "Which is why I asked you that favor; I just wanted to feel what it was like for a little while. I'm not even sure what I'm asking you to do…except be with me and tell me it's all going to be alright, even if it's not. I wanted just a night to act as if it was a miracle rather than a curse."

Bill's heart was breaking for her, for both of them. He thought for a minute about what she was asking. He couldn't believe this had happened. He was angry- not at her but that he didn't have a better solution for them. He couldn't stand to know what she was going through and how desperate she sounded. He didn't want to encourage her to take a chance that would most likely end up in devastation for both of them. On the other hand he knew the alternative was going to so badly damage her spirit, he was afraid of the effects it would have on her. How well would she even be able to go on? Still, if this was the decision then he would do his best to give her anything she asked of him. He just had to figure out how.  
>They sat quietly for a while. He ran his fingers up and down her leg from her knee to her thigh as he thought to himself.<br>"I think what you're asking for Laura…" he said after a short while. He looked into her usually bright eyes, now rimmed red. "...is a night with our baby."

And with that he let her cry into his arms until she had no tears left.  
>_<p>

Chapter 4.2: If Only For A Night

When Laura finally lifted her head from Bill's tear stained shirt he kissed her. The kiss was long and soft and told her in one motion just how much he cared for her. She felt grateful for his touch. Bill grazed her cheek with the back of his hand and smiled softly.  
>"Take your jacket off. Get comfortable." He instructed her and he got up to pour her some water. She quietly did so, shrugging it off, then taking her glasses from where they hung on her blouse and putting them aside as well. He walked back over to her and handed her the glass. She thanked him without meeting his eyes and took some tiny sips.<br>"Feet up." Bill said bending down to help her.  
>"What? Why?"<br>"Because Laura, I'm gunna rub your feet. Now lay down, feet up." He instructed, sitting beside her and guiding her legs across the sofa and her bare feet into his lap.  
>"You don't have to…" she started.<br>"I want to." He said blankly and proceeded to message her feet.  
>It was a sweet gesture but she was a little confused as to where it came from. She never said her feet hurt, they didn't- not that it didn't feel incredibly good. Bill had such strong and powerful hands but when he touched her he was so very deliberate and gentle. He looked over at her, continuing to thumb her arches.<p>

" My wife, she liked this when she was pregnant." he explained.

Laura didn't know what to say.

"You know, Laura…" he started. "It's kinda nice to know I'm still shootin' bullets." He winked and got a laugh out of her.  
>"You most certainly are." She said with a playful roll of her eyes.<br>"Can I ask you something?" Bill said as he started working her ankles. He could tell she was enjoying it at least a little. He could feel some of tension from her body starting to release.  
>"Sure."<br>"Why didn't you have children before?" Bill looked over at her as she seemed to be thinking about the answer.  
>"I don't know, I guess it was just never the right time. The opportunity was never really there. It wasn't something I wanted to do on my own and to be very straight forward, Richard Adar wasn't my only mistake. I sort of always had a habit of being with unavailable men. Men who had families and careers that were too important to sacrifice." She palmed her forehead looking somewhat ashamed. "And with my own career, it just sort of…got away from me." She said with a sigh.<br>Bill nodded in understanding doing his best to let her know he wasn't passing judgment.  
>"Not the most noble of answers I know." She smirked.<br>"Not necessarily." Bill proposed. "You could have done it anyway and brought a child into a situation you didn't think was right. I'd consider that less noble." He defended. "You know, I always wanted children, Carolanne and I both, but I was away so much. I missed so much time with the boys that sometimes I wondered if I had made a selfish choice." He confessed as he started to rub her calves.  
>"Well I can tell you that I highly doubt your sons felt that way. I can see just by the way that Lee looks at you like he's looking into the eyes of a God. He just worships you and I'm sure Zak did too the way they followed so valiantly in your footsteps." She admired.<br>Bill silently nodded considering her words.  
>"You, Bill Adama make a wonderful father." She added<br>Bill smiled at her.  
>"And you, Laura Roslin, I believe would have made a wonderful mother."<br>Laura smiled and shrugged with big sigh.  
>"So what would you want to have? A boy or a girl?" he asked.<br>Laura looked at the ceiling with dreamy eyes.  
>"I don't know. I suppose I never really pictured myself with a little boy. I always connected with the little girls in my classes much easier. I would have adored a little girl." She admitted.<br>"You know, I wanted girls too." He told her tracing his fingers lightly down her leg.  
>"No." she said in disbelief. "Really?"<br>"Yeah I did. Both times Carolanne was pregnant she was sure it would be a girl. Lee and Zak were each a surprise to both of us. I'm not sure why. I guess I just wanted a daughter to spoil. I was tougher on the boys because I saw myself in them." He proposed. "I even wanted Carolanne to try again. I told her I thought 3 was a good round number. I was sure the odds had to be in our favor that the third would be a girl. Like I said though, I was away a lot and Carolanne had her hands full with the two boys." Bill licked his lips. "And Kara's more like having another son most of the time, so…" he joked.

As Laura listened to Bill talk she was amazed to feel herself falling even more in love with him. She didn't think it was possible but hearing the things that he was sharing with her just made her heart swell. Part of it was breaking her heart slowly piece by piece, but she thought, _this is what I wanted. _Just talking openly about it and all the nice things that could have been made her feel better somehow. At least for right now they weren't hiding anything, they weren't denying anything and they weren't pretending as if nothing was there. She loved him so much more because she could tell he had understood that this was what she needed.  
>"You know," Bill told her, looking deeply into her eyes. "You look beautiful like this."<br>"Like what?" she said with a confused look.  
>"Like this." he repeated. "Something about it…that glow they talk about…it's real." He told her in an unwavering voice. He saw her eyes start to well up again. With a deep breath he patted her legs and lifted himself off of the couch.<br>"C'mon Laura." He said to her extending his hand. She took it and he helped her up and enveloped her into a protective embrace. She breathed his scent in deeply. Bill took her by the hand and led them both toward his rack.  
>As they stood in front of the rack he moved to unbutton her blouse.<br>"Bill, I don't know if I'm," she started, but he interrupted her with a soft finger to her lips.  
>"Shhh, Laura just relax." He whispered, soothing her as he continued half way down her blouse leaving it just partially open. He moved his hands to her hips slowly caressing to her backside where he unzipped her skirt. With a soft tug it fell to her feet and she stepped out of it.<br>"Lay down." He told her. He lifted his blankets and guided her underneath. She was all at once nervous and comforted to be in his bed. As she settled in Bill removed his shirt and slacks leaving his boxers and sat down beside her on the bed taking in her image. She looked up at him tentatively. He leaned over her and kissed her to sooth her apprehensions. Her breath became shaky when his kisses began to trail. He kissed her on the neck and then on the collar bone. Taking the blankets down with him as he traveled, he kissed her breasts and then her ribs. When he got to her middle he could feel her tense up ,but even so he started to trail little kisses low on her tummy. As he started to caress his fingers over where his lips had just been he looked up to her. She said nothing but blinked out a few tears.  
>"I just want you to know, Laura, that you have never been more beautiful to me than you are at this moment." He told her.<br>She couldn't speak. She could only blink silent tears. Bill climbed in beside her pulling the blankets back up to cover them both. He lay on his side behind her encouraging Laura to roll over so that that he could spoon her body with his. They lay there for a moment quietly. Bill tried to calm her breathing with his own. His face nuzzled close to hers he placed light kisses behind her ear.  
>"I love you Laura." He told her. He draped his arm over hers and took her hand in his own. Slowly he guided her hand placing it on her belly leaving his own hand on top. He heard her let out a soft whimper.<br>"It's going to be okay Laura." He told her softly in her ear as he felt his own eyes start to well up. "No matter what happens it's going to be okay."

_  
>They lay there like that through the night. Sometimes they were in tears, other times there were just silent caresses and every so often they expressed sweet little notions.<br>"What would her name be?" Bill asked at one point.  
>"I had a little girl in my class once. Her name was Theia. I always liked that. Goddess of the shining light in the clear blue sky. It sounds hopeful and bright." She said softly with her eyes closed and smiling to herself.<br>"It does." Bill had agreed. "My grandmother was Isabelle. I always sort of liked that for a girl. Means devoted to the Gods."  
>"Theia-Belle" Laura said giggling softly.<br>Bill let out a low chuckle.  
>"Her viper call sign would be Kid-Sis" he added. Laura had to smile at the thought.<br>"I'd hope for your blue eyes." She told him at another point during the night.  
>"I'd hope for your red hair." He'd responded.<br>They continued on like that for hours, Bill's hand never leaving her tummy, taking in what they could until they both lost the fight to stay awake.


	5. When Mourning Comes & When Souls Mate

As promised here is the last chapter, both versions I hope chapter 4 is working for most of you now. I did a repost when it was broken but it suddenly started working again. At least it is for me so if it's still not working for you after a browser refresh you are welcome to inbox me for the PDF . Not sure what was up with that.

This will be the last installation to the story. If you did not read the previous authors note you should know that I have written 2 versions of the last chapter. I did this because of the delicate subject matter and the mixed feelings about how it should end up. I will say that epilogue 1 , the first ending was my original intention. Personally I feel as though it was the more natural summation and that it reads a good deal better than the 2nd. Epilogue 2 which is the more hopeful ending was actually a good deal harder to write. I'd be very interested in the opinions of those who might read both...if there are any of you. Just know that they do share much of the same dialogue used in different ways. I want to thank everyone who read this story especially those who wrote a note or a review. I have been so happy to read them especially since this is my first Battlestar fanfic. I wrote X-files fics for quite a while but for the past few years I have been more of a reader. A recent re-watch of BSG moved me to give Bill & Laura a try. I thank all of you for the good experience.

Once again for the original ending continue reading below with When Mourning Comes. To skip ahead to a lighter ending scroll down to When Souls Mate.

thanks a bunch, leave notes if you can. Good reading & Good Hunting

_  
>Epilogue 1: When Mourning Comes<p>

Bill was dreaming, at least he was fairly certain. He didn't recognize the room he was in. It was on back on Caprica he was sure, but he had never been there before. To spite the fact that he couldn't remember it, the room had a cozy and familiar feel to it. It was night and he noted he was in a soft bed, in stark contrast to his rack on Galactica. Best of all; the woman he loved was asleep in his arms. In that moment he felt comforted, and relaxed, he was filled with adoration and a feeling of pure completeness. Bill was surprised at how real the dream felt. He started to question if it was, in fact, a dream? He could feel Laura's body against his own. When he nuzzled his face into her soft hair he could smell her shampoo.

As Bill let his eyes wander around the dream room he saw in the corner by the bed, a small white wicker cradle. Seeing the little bassinet tucked safely in the shadows of their room made Bill's heart feel so full. He kissed at dream Laura's shoulder as she slept. _This_, he thought, _is perfect_.

As Bill settled back down on to the pillow he heard a faint sound. As he listened it became louder and he realized it was coming from the little bassinet in the corner. He watched the cradle for a moment, waiting to see if the fussing would stop. When it didn't he lightly shook Laura to wake her.  
>"Laura," he whispered quietly. "Laura, it's the baby."<br>She remained still beside him.  
>"Laura," he said again just a little louder, but she didn't stir. All at once Bill felt the air in the room stiffen. His stomach felt sick and his heart felt heavy. He was confused. Something had changed. He noticed that the little cries from the corner had ceased and the room had become eerily quiet. With great hesitation he rose from the bed. He tentatively walked toward the now quiet cradle. Though it had only seemed to be feet away it felt as if it took him an eternity to reach it. Something stopped him as he went to peer inside. He had an awful feeling in his gut. How had things turned so quickly? It had been so wonderful just moments before. He looked back at Laura unmoving in their bed.<br>He called back for her once more. Nothing.  
>With a sudden rush of urgency he turned to the cradle and yanked away the soft white blanket which covered its contents.<br>Bill felt his heart sink and his hair stand up on end when all that was revealed was small dark stain on the lining of the crib, a stain that even in the dim moonlit room, he could tell was blood. Bill started to yell but no sound came out. As he tried and tried to shout out, he started to notice that not only could he not manage to make a sound, but he also couldn't seem to breathe. With a sudden and forceful head-rush Bill's vision started to go black.

Bill awoke in his rack with a huge gasp for air. It took a moment for him to realize that he could both breathe and see again. His heart was pounding in his chest and drumming in his ears. What an awful dream it had turned out to be. He checked the clock; 0430, he would have to get up soon. The night had been draining. He wished he could keep Laura tucked beside him forever. He wished that he never had to let her out of his sight and that he could protect her from everything and anything that might hurt her. He could be happy eternally holding onto her snuggled up within his rack. Sadly he knew he had to wake her. They both had responsibilities, people who were depending on them and they would have to get up to face them, and whatever else was coming.  
>Bill kissed Laura's neck. He grazed her cheek with his nose and whispered to her gently.<br>"I hate to do this to you Madam President but it seems morning has come around." He told her.  
>Laura didn't wake. Bill squeezed her shoulder and placed a few more kisses on her cheek.<br>"Laura, honey, if you want to sleep in for a while that's fine." No answer. He sat up beside her.  
>"Laura?" Bill called a little louder and with a firmer nudging of her shoulder.<br>"Wake up Laura." Bill almost shouted. She didn't stir. He felt that sudden feeling again, the feeling from his dream. At once his heart was heavy and his gut was sick. He winced as he pulled back the blankets to find what he feared would be there; a pool of blood around her.

Bill shot out of the Rack and headed for the barrack door. He hoped like hell there was a guard close by. When it swung open he was already yelling.  
>"Medic! We need a Medic team now!" he spotted a guard down the hall.<br>"You! Alert someone to get a stretcher in here and then run to get Doc Cottle! Tell him it's the president. Go! Now! Now!" Bill screamed at the guard who was already running to do as he was told.  
>Bill rushed back into the room and kneeled by the bed. He called her name over and over. He tried lightly slapping her cheek and shaking her gently.<br>"Laura, Laura, honey you have to open your eyes." He felt for a pulse. When he found it he let out a sigh of relief and squeezed her limp hand. Where the hell was that damn stretcher? Before he could really complete that thought several Marines stormed through the open door of his quarters.  
>"Admiral?" one of them said to him. He stood up.<br>"The President…" Bill started, "She's bleeding. I can't wake her."  
>"We're meeting a medic team half way Sir. Cottle 's been alerted." The Marine said as he and his team loaded Laura onto a back board stretcher and strapped her in. Bill hurried to put on his slacks and under shirt and followed them down to sickbay never taking his eyes off of her. It seemed like forever before they were met by the medic team.<br>"How long has she been like this Sir?" One medic asked him.  
>"I don't know. I just woke up. I couldn't wake her." He started to explain as they made their way into the infirmary. Quickly they transferred Laura onto a bed. As they moved about swiftly stringing fluids and taking vitals Bill held on to her hand.<br>"Madam President, can you hear me?" Ishay, asked forcing Laura's eyes open and shining in a pen light.  
>"Where the hell is Cottle!?" the Admiral yelled at her. Before poor Ishay could answer the old gruff doctor made his presence known.<br>"Godsdamnit! I told her! I told her not to put it off. I knew it. I knew this would happen!" Cottle yelled as he shoved his way through the curtains. "Ishay what are her vitals?"  
>"Don't start Cottle, just help her!" Bill said angrily.<br>"Back off Admiral!" Cottle bit back as he moved to work beside his team. "I was trying to save her from this. How many times does this woman want to test the Gods?! Now just back up and let us work!" Cottle yelled. "Mr. Kim, help the Admiral find a spot outside where he won't be in the way."  
>Bill shot Howard Kim a look that told the young medic that he would regret stepping one foot closer.<br>"You're not making me leave Cottle." He barked through gritted teeth. Just then he felt Laura's hand squeeze his.  
>"Laura!" He turned and knelt down by her side.<br>"She's awake Doctor!" Ishay shouted.  
>"Bill," Laura said weakly through hooded eyes. "Go."<br>"Laura, it's going to be alright, you're gunna be fine. And no I'm not leaving your side." He told her thumbing her pale cheek.  
>"Bill!" Cottle grunted.<br>"Go Bill. Let them do what they have to do." She whispered.  
>Bill hesitated, taking in all the bustling medics. He went to object again but she stopped him.<br>"Go Bill. It's okay." She said with a faint smile.  
>Defeated Bill nodded. He brought her hand up to kiss it.<br>"I love you." He told her.  
>"I love you." She returned and closed her heavy eyes again.<br>Bill reluctantly followed Mr. Kim out of the curtained room. He found a wall that was out of the way. Leaning against it he put his head in his hands and then slid down to the floor where he waited and waited.

Bill sat slumped there for what seemed to be a light-year. All he could think about was how he couldn't lose her. He couldn't. He cursed the God's he didn't even truly believe in for making her go through this, for threatening to take her again. How would he ever manage without her? He could hardly remember how he'd managed before he met her. He thought of the night they had just shared, how vulnerable and sweet she was, how she looked so…beautifully broken. He knew that no matter what happened that he would consider that night to be the most precious time he'd ever spent with her. He could only hope that in some way it had helped her, that it would help her as time went on, that is, if she made it.  
>"Bill." He heard Cottle say. He glanced up to see the old goat looking down at him. The doctor extended his hand to help his friend from the floor.<br>"She's going to be okay Bill." Cottle told him before he could manage to ask.  
>Bill let out a huge sigh of relief. It felt as if 200lbs had lifted off of his chest at once.<br>"Can I see her?" he asked.  
>"In just a few minutes" Cottle said, lighting up a cigarette and exhaling. "She lost a lot of blood, Bill. It's a good thing you woke up when you did."<br>Bill rubbed his face with both of his hands.  
>"We had to do a D &amp; E. She was further along than either of us suspected. Fortunately we were able to stop the bleeding and there isn't any need for a hysterectomy or further surgery." He explained through puffs of smoke. Bill said nothing. "I <em>am<em> sorry, Bill, about all of this. Neither of you should have to deal with this, any of it." Cottle added sympathetically.  
>Bill nodded.<br>"She's going to need some time to recover. You see to it that she takes it. I know its campaign time but this isn't the same as if things had gone as planned. She's going to need rest and well… some time to deal with everything." Cottle took a long drag of his cigarette. "I've briefed my staff on what they should say to anyone who asks and that's, _nothing_. If the president's team needs assistance coming up with a viable explanation well…I'm here." The doctor turned to see Ishay leaving the curtain. "You can see her now Bill. She'll still be pretty groggy but I'm sure she wants you with her." He said putting a consoling hand on the Admirals shoulder before leaving him.  
>Bill quickly made his way to the curtain parting it and stepping in. When he saw her sleeping there in the bed a sharp pain gripped is throat. He couldn't swallow it down. His eyes watered. He was so happy that she was alive but he hadn't realized how hard it was going to be to face her now. He walked toward the bed and took her hand in his. <em>At least she didn't have to do it<em>, he thought. _If anything, she was spared that_. He sobbed quietly for a moment out of both relief and grief.

"No more tears Admiral." He was surprised to hear her say in almost a whisper. He kissed her hand and she smiled softly at him with her eyes slowly opening and closing.  
>"You're okay Laura." He assured her. "Cottle said you're going to recover just fine." He said rubbing her cold hand between his own. She nodded at him sleepily.<br>"Laura," he started with new tears in his eyes. "I just want you to know that we will get through this together. And I want you to know that I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry this all happened." He said through hitching breaths.  
>Laura opened her eyes as much as she could manage and looked at Bill shaking her head.<br>"Don't be sorry Bill… I'm not." She told him.  
>"You aren't? " He asked.<br>Laura shook her head again. "No... I mean, I'm sorry for the way things had to be…" She stopped for a moment thinking "but…I think…I think I got to see her." She told him with a peaceful look on her face.  
>"What do you mean? " He said, confused.<br>She sighed.  
>"I had been having this dream since I found out. It was before I told you. In the dream we were back on Caprica, you and I. We were sleeping together in a bedroom, our bedroom I guess…" she started to tell him.<br>Bill furrowed his brow at the description of the familiar setting but he stayed silent letting her go on.  
>"In the room there was a little cradle." She smiled remembering. "I felt so safe and happy there with you in the moment. But then…then the baby would start to cry and cry and you would get so mad at me because I never had the courage to go get her, to even look at her." She told him as a tear slipped from her eye. "I didn't want to see her because I knew she could never really be mine. I was too afraid."<br>"You should rest Laura," Bill told her, worried that she was upsetting herself.  
>"But this time, Bill, this time I was able to go to her in the dream. I saw her. I saw her, I held her and she was the most precious sight I had ever seen…and she was mine. If only for a second, if only in a dream, she was mine …yours and mine."<br>Bill smiled sadly at her brushing a few tears from her face with his finger and she continued.  
>"You made that so last night. You made me feel that it was alright to want and love her or even to just want and love the idea of her…and for that…Ill always consider her a gift from you." Laura said smiling and thinking of her treasured dream.<br>Bill stroked her forehead with his trembling hand.  
>"I wish I could have seen her too." Bill told her trying to hold back the well of tears that had been threatening.<br>"You can, I think." Laura said thoughtfully. "I think, Bill… that she was always just meant to be born into our hearts. You helped me find her there. You can find her too." She smiled as she started to fall back to sleep.  
>"I love you Laura." Bill was able to choke out. "I'll be here when you wake up."<br>Laura nodded with a smile and went on to dream just a little bit longer.  
>-End<p>

_  
>Epilogue 2: When Souls Mate<p>

Laura was dreaming again. She was back in the bedroom on Caprica. The room was lit with just the moonlight as it had been before. Bill was there holding her and she felt the same overwhelming sense of love once again. She looked over to the corner of the room where she knew the familiar bassinet would be. When she found it there she smiled and thought again of how nice it would be. Laura nuzzled her face into the blankets, there it was; Bill's aftershave. _This_ she thought, this is _perfect_. She felt so happy and content, but once more her thoughts were interrupted by a noise from the corner. She wasn't surprised this time to hear the cries of a small baby coming from the little crib. Laura sat up and looked toward the source of the noise. She wanted so badly to go over. The cries were for her, she thought_, I should go over there, I need to_. Still, she was so scared. She thought about what might happen if she got up to look in.  
>"Laura, the baby is crying." Dream Bill said leaning up in the bed.<br>She nodded quietly, afraid that he was going to get angry at her again for not attending to the child's cries.  
>"Do you want me to get her? I'll bring her to you?" he offered sweetly. Laura looked back at the cradle, listening to the small little sobs that filled the room. She thought of ignoring Bill, she thought of trying to wake herself up again, but something this time wasn't quite the same.<br>"If you do…will you promise to stay with me… no matter what?" she asked dream Bill.  
>He laughed and looked at her as if she had just asked the most ridiculous question he'd ever heard.<br>"Of course, I'll stay with you." Bill said lifting himself out of bed. "I'd never leave my best girls." He added as he made his way to the little wicker basket.  
>Laura was holding her breath. She felt as if her heart was about to pound right through her chest. She watched him lean in and lift up a little blanketed bundle. The crying changed to soft little whimpers. She looked down at the floor suddenly second guessing what she had just agreed to. She felt Bill moving closer and closer to her until she knew he was standing inches away.<br>"Well Laura, aren't you going to say hello to your daughter? " He asked holding the bundle in front of her and waiting for her to take it. She looked up at the small blanket covered form in Bills arms. When another whimper came from beneath the blankets Bill looked down and smiled.  
>"It's okay little one. You just want your mother, don't you?" He soothed.<br>Laura's heart felt like lead in her chest. She couldn't remember ever being more afraid. She was afraid of what she would see, what she would feel, bust most of all she was afraid because she knew no matter what happened once she took that blanket into her arms, sooner or later she was going to have to wake up and leave it behind.  
>"Everything's going to be okay" Bill said, to who she wasn't sure, as he placed the baby into Laura's trembling arms and sat beside her on the bed.<br>As she felt the soft weight settling into her embrace she started to hear her own sobbing in place of the cries of the infant's. Laura was still for a while savoring the way it felt to hold the warm little body close against her chest, she reveled in the precious sweet milk and powder smell, and she felt the lead weight in her chest starting to melt little by little with every tiny little coo she could hear beneath the blanket.  
>"Aren't you going to look at her?" dream Bill interrupted.<br>Laura could feel herself shaking, but as he leaned over to move the blankets away Laura finally let herself look down into the face of her dream baby.

"Laura!" she heard Bill call her name and all at once she was back; back on his rack on Galactica and tangled within his sheets.  
>"Laura, you're crying wake up." He said again as she blinked through the haze of sudden wakefulness. "It's okay, you're safe. I'm here." He assured her wiping at her tears and kissing her hand.<br>She caught her breath, and licked her lips. Bill handed her a glass of water from beside the bed and she sat up to drink it.  
>"Is that better?" he asked her. She nodded.<br>"Do you feel okay? Should I get Cottle?" He went on, obviously worried.  
>"No, no." I was just. "Dreaming." She shook her head and grabbed onto his arm.<p>

Bill watched Laura as she sat up in his rack looking so distraught. He had been awake for a while before he woke her from her fitful sleep. When he first rose early that morning he had watched her for some time as she rested peacefully, _probably for the first time in weeks_, he thought. He reflected on night they had just shared. He thought about how vulnerable and sweet she was, how she looked so…beautifully broken. He knew that no matter what happened, he would consider that night to be the most precious time he'd ever spent with her. He could only hope that in some way it had helped her, that it would help her as time went on. When he woke up to her so soundly nestled in his arms he thought for a moment that maybe it already had, that was, until she started crying in her sleep. So many thoughts had been rushing through his head since the moment Laura shared the news. He had cursed the God's he didn't even truly believe in for making her go through this, he had wept because he couldn't take it all away and he had smiled and laughed thinking of all the what-ifs and might-have-beens, and even though what he was about to propose to seemed to go against his logical judgment, he knew as he watched her sitting in his bed, that he had to say it.

They sat silently facing each other on the rack. Laura was staring into nothing but Bill could see the wheels and gears moving behind her eyes. She seemed distracted, and she was almost startled when he reached out and took her hand.  
>"Laura?"<br>"Hm?" She half answered.  
>"I want us to go see Cottle together." He told her.<br>She nodded and smiled sadly looking down at the bed sheets.  
>"But," Bill continued after a moment. "Not for the reason you're thinking."<p>

Laura looked up from the sheets staring blankly at him.  
>"Laura, last night you asked me for a favor. You asked me to hear you out and let you say everything you needed to before I responded. Now I want to ask the same of you." He told her matter-of-factly.<br>When she went to speak he held a finger up stopping her. "Can you do that for me, Laura?"  
>She smiled wryly at his obvious reference to the previous nights interactions.<br>"Yes, Bill." She promised.  
>"When I'm through Laura, you can feel free to tell me that I'm out of line, that I'm out of my mind or that I should back off and get a grip, because that may all very well be warranted, but I have to say this."<br>She nodded allowing him to continue. _  
>"<em>I've been a lot of things in my life Laura." He started, " I've been a soldier, I've been a husband, I have been a father, I'd like to think I've been a friend…" he added, "but one thing I had never been at least until I met you…was a soulmate."  
>Laura smiled at the sweetness of his words.<br>"I know that term sounds strange coming from an old grumpy cynic like me," he joked, "but its how I've come to feel about you…about us. It's different from any other relationship I've ever known. I loved my wife. We had our problems, but I feel I we were truly in love and we cared for one another a great deal… but this isn't the same. I'm not quite sure how to describe it. Maybe I can't, not well anyway. When you were dying…" Bill winced at his own words. "as you were struggling to hang on and I watched you start to fade, I felt a part of myself dying with you. It was struggling as you were; it was fading and losing its grip alongside you. I knew when you were gone that part of me would be gone with you. It wouldn't have been grief, or mourning, it would have been an actual part of me lost in death with you."  
>Laura's lips were parted, not as if to speak, but in subtle awe of his words.<br>"When you became well again I could feel that part of myself returning with you and that's when I knew what the term meant, to literally have another's soul connected to your own, to share its pain and its joy. I'd like to think since then I've been pretty aware of your feelings and your well being, which is why I never take our differences lightly. Whether we agree or not, if you're hurt, I hurt."  
>Laura was so touched at what he was telling her. She nodded understanding every aspect of the connection he spoke of. She had known it too, even before they were romantically involved, there was something about him. She could literally feel is anxiety, his anger, his fear, sometimes his pain and though she suspected he felt the same intangible bond, it was just so comforting to hear it was just as real to him.<br>"And that's why…" he hesitated for a second placing a hand on her leg that was still beneath the sheet. "That's why, I think that we should talk to Cottle today." He continued.  
>Laura tried to speak but Bill pressed on.<br>"Laura, because I know you, because I know you're very soul, I know what this is doing to you, what it will do to you if you…if we…" he stumbled. "I'm just afraid Laura, that this time, your body may recover but your soul, our souls won't be able to."  
>When he looked into her eyes they were full of unshed tears and what he thought might have been anger.<br>" Believe me Laura, I don't even truly understand what's making me say this to you. I'm so frakking terrified of even the idea of losing you…. physically…but I already feel your spirit, your light, surrendering to this and I'm frakking terrified of that too."  
>He couldn't read her eyes at all anymore. They looked like they were each hiding electrical storms behind her wet lashes. He was already starting to regret saying all of this to her. Maybe he was just making this harder on her as she faced an inevitable, but something was telling him to go on.<br>"Laura, you…" Bill continued to try and explain himself further but Laura suddenly snapped.  
>"Bill stop it!" she shouted, her eyes now wide and clear.<br>He went quiet and he looked down at his lap. He had crossed a line he was sure.  
>"I'm not going through with it Bill. I've already decided. You're right." She told him in a hushed and trembling voice. She smiled and shrugged. "You're right."<br>Bill was confused. He furrowed his brow somewhat in disbelief. He had been expecting a fight, a defense, to which he was actaully ready to agree with.  
>"Laura, I didn't say all of that to guilt you…to scare you. I'm sorry." He told her now feeling like a real brute.<br>Laura shook her head taking both his hands into her own.

"That's not it Bill, that's not it." She repeated "I knew as soon as you woke me. Within seconds I knew…I can't." she told him through some fresh tears.  
>"What then? What's changed?" he asked her confused about where this had come from if not from his recent desperate ramblings.<br>"Because Bill, I saw her." She told him with an exhilarated look on her face. "I think I saw her..."  
>"What do you mean? " He asked.<br>She sighed. "I had been having this dream since I found out. It started before I told you. In the dream we were back on Caprica, you and I. We were sleeping together in a bedroom, our bedroom I guess…" she started to tell him. "In the room there was a little cradle." She smiled remembering. "I felt so safe and happy there with you in the moment. But then…then the baby would start to cry and cry and you would get so mad at me because I never had the courage to go get her, to even look at her." She told him as more and more tears slipped down her face. "I didn't want to see her because I knew she could never really be mine. I was too afraid."  
>Bill felt her hands squeezing his tighter and tighter as she spoke.<br>"But this time, Bill, this time I was able see her in the dream. You stayed with me and you brought her over to me and I saw her face." Laura smiled brightly. "I saw her, I held her and she was the most precious sight I had ever seen…and she was mine. If only for a second, if only in a dream, she was mine …yours and mine."  
>Bill smiled at her brushing a few tears from her face with his finger.<br>"After seeing her face…" Laura said smiling and thinking of the dream. "I'm not letting her go without a fight."  
>Bill was both elated and terrified at the prospect. He knew this meant he could lose her, but the fire he saw in her eyes told him this was it and he knew he'd be by her side whatever happened.<br>"So you'll come with me today to see Cottle?" Bill asked "Find out what we are getting ourselves into, so we can be prepared for the fight, together…like always?"  
>"Together." She agreed "But Bill, I just want you to know, if Cottle…if he finds out she's sick…or…" she stopped. "If we can't, if it turns out that we can't, I just want you to know that she'll always be ours. You made that so last night. You made me feel that it was alright to want and love her or even to just want and love the idea of her…and for that…Ill always consider her a gift from you." Laura said smiling.<br>Bill kissed her and put his forehead against hers. "She's part of our souls now." He told her.  
>"I can feel her." She agreed<br>"Let's go see if we can't give her a fighting chance." he affirmed and so they did.  
>-End<p> 


End file.
